Glance at the way the guy happily smiles right up from the you from the phone monitor when he dangles their Connect during the day amongst the base out of their luggage pants-clothed foot! You realize those people purse are just filled up with carabiners, hooks, and you can zero-links! Think of the lovable Boy Lookout you went to primary school with. Think of the way they had been thus of use and you can realized all the various kinds of knots? Ok, today visualize all of them grown-up-and not wanting to Venmo you $250 getting his half this new abortion. Today photo your ascending towards sun, he calls “nature’s alarm clock.” Genuinely, I don’t know that is worse.
Nebraska: Brand new Armchair Quarterback
You have gone through about three (3) java dining tables this current year since your boyfriend, an armchair quarterback regarding Nebraska, will not stop smashing all of them for the outrage when their team loses. He categorically refuses to accept that the participants can not pay attention to your away from his living room and you can, thus, his post-fumble “Get real. ” scream is actually loud. All of the Saturday, unfailingly, you will be possibly experiencing him call most of the mentor suveren nettsted ГҐ lese and pro a beneficial fucking moron, otherwise freezing on tailgate – never ever from the real online game, in the event. He’ll never conquer the main one seasons in which he was almost a 3rd-string go-to your kicker towards Huskers, and because the guy discusses it-all the newest really big date, neither do you.
Nevada: The latest Perma-Bachelor
If only my fit fit me along with Bradley Cooper’s did on Hang over, believes the fresh new Vegas Fuckboy, following my entire life could well be done. Here he goes, prowling from club along with his clothing undone one button also of several, slurring their terms and you may sloshing his martini. Only if they tasted competitive with they look, he wonders in order to themselves. Never ask your when planning on taking of his specs, since they’re hiding a pair of crusted, bloodshot eyes that were once simple and you can loaded with lifetime. He or she is now a walking party machine, repeating to help you their loved ones: “You get married? Loss! It is the unmarried lifetime for my situation, brah!”, being unsure of he’ll getting destined to expand a good paunch, assist their costly match getting stained and you may terrible, and be among the many Las vegas slot machine grandmas, thumbing household into the host and you may sipping a two-liter bottle from diet plan Coke, looking to earn brand new prize out-of his lost young people.
“Hi girl, failed to I view you within Tri-Kap dager the other day?” is actually a normal starting gambit of the Brand new Hampshire Fuckboy just who are Rich However, Embarrassed About it. Good Dartmouth guy through and through, he could be the ultimate vision out of key-downs, khaki trousers, and you will a blazer which are worn in the formals in addition to in the his father’s boat pub. Query your outright in the event the they are rich, he’ll stop wasting time to share with your their nearest and dearest usually do not very own a beneficial personal spraying – it is only a stake from inside the a contributed G6 between the my personal father’s business lovers. In which he doesn’t have a mansion to the Nantucket, it’s just a little summer-house into beach near the Obamas’ lay. A great trick if you want to put your on destination – query your to help you pronounce title out-of their extremely expensive view (Audemars Piguet) and view him squirm.
The fresh Mexico: The fresh Connect
The newest Mexico, people say, ‘s the property away from spell, a wasteland in which the road trip aspirations can come real. It is closer to a dusty horror in which the dudes smell of particles and smegma. Your Mexican fuckboy, in the event that he could be of Albuquerque, would be too desperate to direct you landmarks off Cracking Bad – you are aware, one to domestic you might throw a pizza on to, or one to crystal meth hotel – as that’s it he has got. You to definitely, and his “I am the one who knocks” top (stained), a broad-brimmed cap (does not match), and Heisenberg cups (indeed a small tight so they really enjoy inside and then leave red-colored, welt-including indents towards the their lead). When the he or she is out-of Santa Fe, predict a similar but with discussions throughout the Ayahuasca so tedious it is possible to must hurl oneself off of the cliffs during the Los Alamos.